A Letter to My 16-Year-Old Self

There was a time during our teenage lives where we were uncertain about almost everything – being unsure and desperate for guidance was how I carried myself during the first few years of teenager-dom. It wasn’t easy back then, and it still isn’t easy now. But I’d like to think that I’ve learnt a few things in the meagre three years between then and now.

Back then, I would’ve absolutely killed for someone older and more experienced to tell me what to do. And so I sought out other people for some advice – anything, really. But the thing is, I never actually took any of their advice. So in saying that, I’m doing myself a favour and sending out a letter to my 16-year-old self in hopes that she’ll take heed of it.

To my 16-year-old self,  

Sixteen. One of the most important ages a girl can turn – hell, there are even movies dedicated to teenagers turning the ultimate sweet sixteen. It’s the year everything seems to pile up, sometimes even threatening to overflow. There are times when you’ll sit in your room and just cry because everyone and everything seems to be so against you, but then there are other times where you’ll find yourself the happiest you’ve ever been and wishing you could relive that moment forever.

Turning sweet sixteen – the year you learn to drive a car (provided you get your license), the year parties and alcohol take over (for a select few, this might not be the case); it’s the year that exams start to take precedent, where friendships form and collapse; the year that you can legally have sex and discover things about yourself that you didn’t know before.

I’m not going to lie, turning sixteen was not easy for me. I cried, a lot – about everything you can imagine. Sixteen marked the end of my junior high school life, along with the start of that horrendous two senior years that you’re ultimately going to face. Sixteen was the year I lost some of my closest friends, but also formed a tight-knit friendship (that is sadly, now over). Your teenage years are all about trial and error. Remember that.

I made some stupid choices in my sixteenth year but that’s ok. Think of it as a learning experience; you’ll grow, you’ll mature, you’ll laugh at how stupid you were, but you wouldn’t be you if it weren’t for those particular experiences.

1.       Don’t let boys take over your world.

I’ve seen so many people crash and burn during the whole 15-17 year old age range. Sixteen is the year where you notice everything. You might’ve giggled over a few crushes back in the day with your friends, but this is the year where things get a little more serious. You’re more willing to experiment with your love life, which is absolutely ok. Talk to boys (or girls for that matter), get to know them, break hearts, have your heart broken. Just don’t let them take over your world. Don’t shut your friends out, don’t neglect your schooling, don’t abandon everything that makes you you, just for a boy.

Trust me, he may seem like the most important thing in your life at the moment, but keeping yourself aware of everything else in your life and finding balance is the ultimate goal.

2.       Your parents are only trying to help you.

Parents can be your worst enemy during these vital few years. “Why aren’t you studying?” “What are you doing?” “Where are you going?” “Who are you going with?” “Do you know how important the HSC is?” Blah blah blah, they start to sound like a broken record. I know you’ve heard this so many times before, but they’re actually only trying to help you.

They’re your parents – they’ve fed you, clothed you, housed you, and have raised you for the past 16 years – your mother carried you in her womb for nine months before that. Don’t take them for granted. They honestly only want the best for you. I know that the parties and the friends might take precedent for you, but when your dad says that you can’t go to a certain party in the middle of nowhere with no supervision, you probably shouldn’t go (trust me, don’t go).

Know that they’re only looking out for you, they don’t want to see you get hurt, they want to see you as successful as you can be in a few years, and they want the most comfortable future for you that they, in their power, can possibly provide.

3.       Those girls who tell you to do something that can possibly get you arrested? Yeah, stay away from them.

Trust me, I’m telling you this for your own good. People who shoplift? Not as cool as they used to seem. Not that it should seem cool at all, especially when you think of how crap you would feel after. Truant? Yeah sure, the first few times may seem cool, but what exactly is the point? You’re only in school for thirteen years. Why not make the most of it? Why spend six whole hours of your life just sitting around a park or a shopping centre? What do you gain from that? Nobody actually cares, when you really think about it.

4.        Don’t try anything that makes you hesitate first.

Someone offer you a drink that you’re hesitant to try? Don’t do it. Someone give you something you know you shouldn’t be doing? Yeah, don’t do that either. Don’t give in the peer pressure, don’t do anything you know is wrong. It’ll make you feel like shit, trust me. You’ll regret it so much that even three years from then, you would have random moments where you’d sit and think back to it and just internally hit yourself for doing something so dumb.

5.        School matters, but it also doesn’t.

There are so many people who’d tell you that school doesn’t matter, there are other pathways to things, there are successful people who’ve accomplished so many things in life without finishing school. “Bill Gates was a dropout” is the one I heard the most. Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard, not an easy school to get into in the first place. But in saying that, there are several people I know who are successful without first going to uni and there are others who’ve gotten all the way to finishing the HSC and working a 9-5 job as a waitress (not exactly glamorous, is it?). If you think that’s the right choice for you, then go ahead and do it. Just make sure you have a plan first.

6.       It’s ok to cry.

When the world seems to turn against you and all you can do is watch everyone go by without even a second glance at you, it’s perfectly ok to lock yourself in a dark room and cry. Hell, it’d probably make you feel better. Sometimes all you need in life is a good sob and maybe the world will right itself again.

7.       It’s perfectly ok to ask for help.

You’re sixteen, you’re supposed to be independent, you’re old enough to figure things out for yourself. There’s a plethora of things sixteen year olds think is expected of them, and some of them may be true, but most of them aren’t. You can ask for help any time you need it. Got some personal problems you want to disclose a stranger? Most schools have a counsellor on the premises just for that purpose. Need help with a topic that everyone else seems to get? Just raise your hand and ask, or go to your teacher right after class for help. They’re there to guide you, to educate to help, don’t be afraid. Got something embarrassing to ask your mum? Ask her. She’s your mum, don’t be afraid! Boy problems? That’s what friends are for. There are many people out there who are willing to help you, you just need to look for it.

8.       You’re sixteen.

This is the most important thing here. Sixteen could possibly be one of the best years of your life. Remember that you’re still young, there’s so much out there waiting for you! Don’t give up, don’t give in, be headstrong and do whatever the hell it takes to get you where you truly want to be in life. Write down things that inspire you, things that annoy you. Be brave, but know that it’s perfectly fine to break down once in a while. Fall in love, fall out of love, break some hearts, experiment! Don’t miss out on things just because you’re too afraid to try, but trust your instincts. It’s even written in the books that being sixteen is one of the most important years of your life.

Enjoy it while it lasts, you’re only sixteen once.

Lots of love,

Your 19-year-old self.